Every bride has heard them:
"Am I invited?"
"I can't wait to attend your wedding, saving up now!"
"I BETTER get an invite!"
No matter how the words are said, the situation will always remain awkward. No matter whether it is that friend you haven't spoken to in a while, or that coworker you only see in passing, there are just some people you would rather not share your day with. That doesn't keep these people from assuming they are going to take part in special day. What do you say? Do you ignore them? Do you just tell them flat out? What about the people that are bold enough to put it on your Facebook page for the world to see? (We all hate those) Here is how to address those unwanted self-invites.
1. Be honest, but not rude.
It is YOUR wedding day. You have the right to invite who you want. Don't feel any shame in telling someone that they aren't invited, but don't be rude either. Look the offender straight in the eye, smile politely, and say something in the likes of "I'm so sorry, we just aren't able to included all of our family and friends, the list would be so big!" or, "Thank you so much for your consideration! Unfortunately, we aren't able to include all of our friends and family. I am honored that you find this day as special as we do!"
2. No Take Backs.
While you can back track your words if you verbally communicate to someone that they are invited
(budget cuts, venue change, etc.) it is extremely against wedding etiquette to un-invite someone after they have gotten a save the date. Unless a rare situation calls for it (e.g.: Your best friend attempting to sabotage your wedding day) it is best to keep a person on the list after receiving a Save The Date. How to avoid this mishap? Make sure the bulk of the wedding costs are paid for before stamping those envelopes.
3. Don't brag.
It can be hard, but try not to blast your wedding plans on social media, or in the case of personal interaction, don't discuss wedding plans with those who aren't invited. If you are asked how wedding planning is going, simply say that your weddings plans are going great-and leave it at that. Any further elaboration (beaming about how great your cake is) can make the offender ask about more wedding plans-which can bring on the dreaded "Am I Invited". Keep all wedding talk within your family/bridesmaids circle just to be safe.
4. Address them in private.
It may seem a little off putting if you address an offenders self invite in public. If the question is asked on Facebook, kindly send them a message stating your guest list decision. If they happen to ask you in front of others, kill the time by saying "We haven't finalized a guest list yet" and talk to them about it in private. It is extremely embarrassing for someone to hear that they aren't invited to your wedding-stating that fact in front of others can sting even more.
5. Accept hurt feelings.
Nobody wants to know that they aren't invited to an event they thought they were invited to. When you tell someone that they just couldn't make the guest list, accept that feelings may be hurt and friendships may even be lost. That's the name of the game, and it's something that must be accepted. Keep your compassion and know that there will be a few hurt feelings.
6. Be Firm.
Don't give in. If you gave in to every self-invite, your list will continue to grow-sometimes beyond measures. Stick to your gut. If the uninvited guest approaches you and you can't figure out how you forgot to put their name on the guest list, attempt to make room for them. If you can't give yourself one reason why they should be invited, don't budge. There is a reason why that person isn't on the guest list.
Don't let those uninvited guests make you feel guilty. At the end of the day, it's your wedding, and only those most influential in you and the groom's life should attend! So, the next time your nosy coworker asks what she should wear to your wedding? All you have to do is smile and enact the protocol.
Planning a wedding? Don't want to do all the work? Let Something Blue Wedding Consulting do it all for you. Like us on Facebook: www.Facebook.com/somethingblueweddingconsulting
